Title: The Book
Date: July 27, 2000
Status: Complete
Author: Jmas
Category: angst, h/c
Rating: PG
Email: jmasg1@bellsouth.net
Disclaimer: Characters are property of MGM, etc.
Spoilers: Crossroads, really small one for Forever in a Day
Summary: Comfort comes in many forms…
Author's note: You’ll either love or hate this one, so be warned. I simply
I felt Teal’c deserved a chance to express his loss…
The Book
By
Jmas
The battered book of poetry in my hand belongs to Daniel Jackson.
After assisting me with the burial rites for Shan’auc,
he pressed it into my hand and turned away without a word.
Daniel Jackson’s book is very old and obviously
much read with its wrinkled, folded pages and smudges where
fingers have rested, perhaps caressing the comforting words
which so eloquently express a pain which I believed could not
be put into words. Daniel Jackson understands, yet I feel unworthy
of his understanding; we are alive but those we love are not…because
of my actions.
I should not have trusted the Goa’uld,
but I wanted to believe in the hope embodied in the beautiful
spirit of my first love.
From the time we were children, Shan’auc
was destined for the temple. I honored her wishes, but each
look, each touch between us was sacred to me; the forbidden
passion of my youth, much desired but never acted upon until
she appeared through the stargate.
My life with Drey’auc began with much love
and joy. We were as happy together as I was unhappy with my
life as First Prime and, for a time, there was balance. I love
her greatly still, but my own abandonment and her revocation
of our bond stand between us as an insurmountable wall. At
times we are able to breach it, at others it holds so far apart
we are as strangers. She and Ry’ac are happy in the Land
of Light and I am most grateful to Tuplo for acting as protector
and friend in my absence, but their exile is yet another stone
in the ever-strengthening wall.
I will tell Drey’auc of Shan’auc,
I cannot lie to her. I fear she will not understand.
*I* do not understand.
I know only that for one brief moment my hope
for my people’s freedom was reborn…and I was happy.
I had forgotten how very fleeting a thing hope
is, victim of its own fragility…yet I know there is no
greater thing. I will strive to remember the gift Shan’auc
bought with her life. What remains of my people shall not be
left without hope, I swear it.
Just as I swear Tanith will someday die by my
hand. The Tok’ra do not begin to conceive of the treachery
within their midst. I fear what they seek to use will, in the
end, use them and be their undoing.
*Tel ma, Shan’auc, pal tiem shree tel ma…*
Daniel Jackson’s book blurs before my eyes,
the words melding into one another and disappearing as my vision
clouds. I know now how the ink became smudged as I wipe away
the wetness that has fallen there. I close the book slowly,
considering the thoughts the words have inspired.
It is not always good to be alone. I shall seek
Daniel Jackson, perhaps he would like to ‘talk’…
*fin*
*phonetically spelled…Daniel’s translation: Our
love shall not end in death*
