Title: Small Drops
Date: July 14, 2000
Status: Complete
Author: Jmas
Category: drama, angst, h/c
Rating: PG
Email: jmasg1@bellsouth.net
Disclaimer: Characters are property of MGM, etc.
Spoilers: Really vague one for the movie…teeny tiny one <three
words> for Shades of Grey, teenier tinier one for Enigma…blink
and you'll miss it. Aren't you proud of me?<g>
Summary: Life is lived in a series of small drops….
Author's note: A giftfic for Joyce on the occasion of the list's
anniversary.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Small Drops
by Jmas
******
Small drops of tears fell and soaked into Jack's shirt…a
warm but welcome wetness on his shoulder reassuring him Daniel
was still alive, still hanging on…
Small drops of blood seeped ever faster through Daniel's shirt
and into Jack's already crimson-stained hands…
Small drops of life slipping away too, too quietly with only
an occasional sighing breath to mark the knowledge unspoken
but clearly understood between them…
Jack looked out into the dark night, hoping for the hundredth
time to see lights returning, his own flashlight had faded
and quietly died over an hour ago. Clinging tighter as another
wave of pain spasmed through the too-warm body he held in his
arms, Jack could almost feel the small drops of hope skittering
away into the darkness.
What the hell was taking Carter and Teal'c so long?
Jack held Daniel tighter, wishing…as he had so long
ago with Charlie…to take away his pain. But all he could
offer were whispered words of incoherent comfort and small
drops of salt mixing freely with all the others…
Jack felt his mind shift firmly into denial as Daniel stiffened
yet again with pain then sagged…limp, unconscious…
'Thank God…don't know how much longer he could have
stood it…'
Silence surrounded Jack then and he had to strain to hear
the slight puffs of breath coming too slowly. The quietness
was too complete…too oppressive. It seemed to Jack there
should be more *something* to mark their struggle…to
witness the painful fading of one of the brightest lights in
Jack's life…
There was nothing, not even stars to be seen in the overcast
sky. There was only encompassing darkness.
Jack had begun rocking gently…how many hours ago now?…a
soothing, déjà vu rhythm familiar on so many
fronts his mind refused to dwell on any single one.
Small drops of memory overlying one another as they vied for
recognition, validation, but Jack refused them all. Daniel
needed him *here,* now…not lost in the past.
Here, now…
Jack cursed the blackness surrounding them…wishing for
a fire they couldn't light for fear of discovery…wishing
for the medkits, lost now back on the trail following the unexpected
attack…wishing for *some* means of helping, protecting
other than the nearly empty pistol lying beside his knee.
Small drops of futility sparked from his lips to fall away
ineffectively into the night…
Jack could see images against the blackness in front of him:
images of the glitter-flash of a metal blade at the periphery
of his vision preceding a choked cry and the report of Daniel's
handgun reacting a bare moment too late; images of Daniel on
his knees firing the gun again and again even as his left hand
pressed hard against the bloody hole in his jacket; images
of his team forming up instinctively around their vulnerable
comrade, surrounding Daniel in a ring of strength and protection;
images of running…he and Teal'c holding Daniel tight
between them, helping him keep on his feet as he pushed himself
onward; images of falling in the dark, the first real cry of
pain Daniel had made since first being hurt…the realization
of how *much* blood soaked the jacket.
Jack shook his head to banish the pictures…they'd done
what they had to…they'd gotten away…at the time
that had been the most important consideration. Get away from
the immediate danger, get them closer to the Stargate, get
them closer to home and help for Daniel. It had been the right
thing to do, but now…
Small drops of regret splintered through Jack's soul…
Daniel shifted again with a deep, choking breath…consciousness
and pain returning. Jack continued his rocking, whispered more
words, stroked the damp hair back in a gesture both of comfort
and supplication…asking forgiveness for events beyond
his control…forgiveness for that very lack of control.
He knew he didn't have to ask, knew Daniel would forgive him
damn near anything. Knowing didn't help, didn't alleviate the
almost physical ache Jack experienced as he felt his friend
slip further and further away…with only Jack's touch
and necessarily quiet voice to hold on to.
Jack leaned in close over Daniel's head, absorbing the heat,
sharing in the tremors, reaching out with all the strength
his will could muster to ease Daniel's pain…
It wasn't enough.
The gulping breaths slowed into even, controlled puffs. Even
without benefit of vision, Jack knew Daniel was awake. The
effort to be quiet told Jack the younger man was aware of the
danger they still faced; the hand grasping and releasing Jack's
arm through the tidal ebb and flow of pain spoke of recognition.
Daniel knew who held him so tightly, accepted the comfort from
Jack as he would from no other person alive in the universe,
drew on Jack's strength in ways both conscious and instinctive…
Small drops of caring, blossoming anew as on so many…too
many… occasions in the past…
In times of need, it was always there…one basic truth
amidst a world rarely possessed of such clarity. Through all
the assorted hells they went through…separately or together…they
could depend on this.
Daniel nodded slightly, as if confirming Jack's thoughts.
"Daniel?"
"I'm here…"
A promise asked and received…
Jack ruffled a hand through the wet hair.
"Good."
Daniel laughed, a small exhalation really, but Jack knew his
meaning was understood. Daniel was hanging on, would hang on…as
long as he could. The intrinsic stubbornness of the man was
one of his best…and most infuriating… traits. Daniel
would keep fighting, understanding as no one else could that
Jack wouldn't allow him to do otherwise. As another wave of
pain trembled through the already tense body in his arms, Jack
held on tightly, suppressing the curse welling up from his
soul.
Small drops of helplessness…mute, impotent…
How much longer?
Jack tapped the light on his watch. Five hours. In his head,
Jack knew it would take Carter and Teal'c more time to find
the gate in the dark, knew they had to move cautiously. In
his heart though…in his heart Jack knew it time was the
enemy. Time brought only pain and sickness as infection set
in…time would steal Daniel slowly away…
Another two hours of darkness, then they would be exposed…vulnerable.
A nearly empty gun was little protection. The rock face they
were tucked up against was perfect cover in the dark, in daylight
they would stand out like a painted target…
Help *had* to come soon…
"Jack?" Daniel's voice was barely audible…would
have been had they not been so close.
"Yeah, Daniel?"
"How long…?"
As Daniel's words trailed off into still another wave of pain,
Jack wondered if Daniel were asking how long until help arrived…or
how long they'd been there. It didn't matter while Daniel quietly
rode out the spasm, his breathing becoming raspier, more labored…
"Soon…they'll be here soon…" Jack swore
impulsively, knowing it was an impossible promise.
Daniel nodded against Jack's chest, hands entwining themselves
even tighter into Jack's vest.
Small drops of frustration…the thundering forerunner
to finality.
"No."
Jack wasn't aware of speaking out loud.
"It hurts, Jack…"
Daniel's admission tore away the façade of false hope…Jack
realized he should have known better than to offer it.
"Sorry. They've been gone a little over five hours. They
have to have reached home by now…"
Daniel sighed. "Dark…"
"Not too dark for Teal'c…he'll make it. Carter'll
watch his back. They won't let us down." A truth unshakeable…they
both knew their friends would move heaven and earth to help
them. The knowledge seemed to calm Daniel…Jack sighed. "They'll
be back, I believe that. You just have to hang on 'til they
get here…"
Another nod, weaker…
Small drops of conviction slipping off into the chill night…
Jack settled into the rock face, letting Daniel nestle more
comfortably against him. So many battles in their lives, so
many goals lost and won, so many dreams dead and gone leaving
only an unholy enemy and the simple, solid reality of friendship.
Over time they had come to rely on that friendship in ways
rarely spoken, impossible to define, yet so essentially *there*
Jack knew they tended to take it in stride…a look, a
word, a touch spoke volumes in the language of a kinship both
subtle and deep. Small drops of understanding offered and accepted,
forging a strand of pure titanium, often tested but never broken…
As different as they were emotionally and philosophically,
Jack knew the loss of the friend now so quiet in his arms would
leave a gaping hole in his heart and his life…a hole
that could never be filled again because there could never
be another like Daniel…
Daniel…as unique an individual as Jack had ever known,
as unique as Jack himself was in his own right. Somehow fate
had seen fit to bring them together to face one of the biggest
discoveries in human history at a time when they each faced
some of the worst crises of their lives. The twist in that
particular fate had come as they discovered a bond amid eventual
mutual purpose and the common desire to defeat the Goa'uld.
There were many reasons they *shouldn't* have become friends…many
reasons they should never have *worked*…
But they did.
In ways both large and small…they worked. They still
had some rough edges to iron out, knew and accepted the fact…but
underneath it all, despite all obstacles and appearances to
the contrary, they were grounded by the unalterable surety
of the other's presence. Doubt might come and go, arguments
most certainly would…but the foundation was real…Jack
smiled sadly at the memory…and would withstand any and
all attempts to shake it loose.
Small drops of gratitude for the silent, unshakable lucidity.
Daniel stirred slightly.
"Jack?" The barest breath of sound…
"Yeah, Danny…?" The rawness of the moment
disrupted all barriers…
"I want to say…"
"No!" Jack was in no way ready to hear the goodbye
already apparent in Daniel's voice… "No…save
your strength, just rest…"
"Jack…"
"Daniel, please…"
Jack could feel the ripples of pain coursing through Daniel's
body, knew the younger man was so close…too close…
"Just a little longer, okay? Just give them a little
longer…"
Daniel nodded, shifting again…seeking comfort where
none could be found.
Jack pulled his friend close once again, resuming the steady
rocking…the only action available to him as Daniel clung
tightly, breathing shakily.
"A little longer…"
Jack let the rhythmic movement command his thinking…making
him more aware of the fragility of the situation, more aware
of the tenuousness with which they both held to small drops
of life and hope…more aware of the enemy encroaching
ever closer…
Earlier time had been running out…now, it felt as if
it was trickling down to a few fine grains of sand…
Another wave crashed in…bringing Daniel nearly into
Jack's lap with the rocketing spasm…
"God…Jack…"
Jack enfolded the shuddering body in his arms, wishing…hoping…knowing
it was too little…too late…he couldn’t let
this go on…
"It's okay, Daniel…rest if you need to…" Jack
knew Daniel would understand the dual meaning, heard his voice
and his heart crack on the words…knowing he was giving
Daniel permission to…
But Daniel was stubbornly shaking his head… "S'okay,
Jack…think I'll hang around awhile…" The voice
held a strained note of amusement. "Keep you out of trouble…"
"Keep *me* out of trouble. You? Mr. 'We're peaceful explorers,
let me show you my target'? "
Daniel let out a sigh containing much more than laughter. "You…Mr. "I
never met an alien I didn't piss off'…"
Jack laughed out loud then, uncaring of the need for quiet…small
drops of long overdue release…
Tears fell…whether from tension or the expression of
Jack didn't care…Daniel was still here, still fighting…nothing
else mattered.
The crackle of his radio nearly made him jump.
Teal'c's voice…more welcome than any sound in Jack's
universe right now save the continued breathing of the friend
he held so closely….
Help was on the way.
"You hear that, Daniel…almost here…"
"'Bout time…" Jack could hear the smile in
Daniel's voice…
"Hey, who's the cynic around here?"
"You are, Jack…"
"Damn straight…don't be stealing my lines…"
"Who'd want to?"
"What? This is some of my best stuff…."
"Hmm…was afraid of that…"
Jack gently cuffed the head resting on his chest, then ruffled
the damp strands gently.
"Watch it, big fella…stealing from your CO is a
court martial offense…"
"Civilian…no court martial…"
"Damn, knew I should have plugged that loophole…"
"Too late…"
"It's never too late, Daniel…"
Jack felt the trembling arms squeeze tighter around him, returned
the embrace with the shuddering realization of how very close
he'd come to losing *this*…losing Daniel….
"No way, Daniel. Never too late."
Small drops of joy, breaking through the darkness.
*Fin*
