Title: Intimate Hearts: Hope
Date: April 4, 2000
Status: Complete
Author: Jmas
Category: Series, drama, angst, h/c…various other things….
Rating: PG-13 for language
Email: jmasg1@bellsouth.net
Archive: Stargate Fan, Heliopolis, Belle, Place of Our Legacy
Disclaimer: Characters are property of MGM, etc.
Spoilers: Stargate the movie, Children of the Gods, Shades
of Grey, Serpent's Song, The Nox, Secrets, Forever in a Day,
Maternal Instinct, Pretense, Legacy, Out of Mind.
Summary: "A great hope fell…you heard no noise…" Emily
Dickenson (1830-1886)
Author's note: A continuing series…at least ten total…on
the complexity and simplicity of friendship…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Intimate Hearts: Hope
hope: v. : to cherish a desire with anticipation
"A great hope fell…you heard no noise…"
Emily Dickenson (1830-1886)
Daniel is the embodiment of hope.
Don't laugh, it's true.
From the moment he set his myopic blue eyes on the Giza coverstone,
hope shone out of his eyes like a lighthouse beacon. Hope his
theories were right after all, hope the universe had just grown
infinitely larger, hope for a vindication of everything he'd
been laughed at for years.
He was right.
I watched him blithely outthink Katherine's team of great-minds-thinking-alike,
driving himself through two weeks of little or no sleep, gallons
of government-issue coffee and enough 5th Avenue bars to pave
a road from Earth to Abydos. He never stopped, he never gave
up…
That's how Daniel is.
Then there came the battle with Ra, the realization that the
wife he'd been given actually loved him as much as he loved
her. Then those impossibly hopeful eyes turned to me…pleading
with me to find a way to make things right for the Abydonians.
We did.
He stayed behind on that distant world for the sake of hope.
To laugh, to love, to find a home with people frozen in time
by Ra's interference. To find a place and a happiness he'd
rarely known on this world.
Thankfully, he did.
Until Apophis showed up and his hope was stolen away in the
blink of an eye…and his perfect world was lost forever.
Of course at the time we didn't realize it was forever. So
he still had hope. She was still alive and I'd promised we'd
find her.
He believed me.
Hell, I believed me.
Neither of us had the slightest inkling at the time of just
what it was we were up against. The Goa'uld were such a total
unknown; malicious on a scale we had no prior reference for.
The simple rescue mission we'd envisioned dragged from weeks
into months into years with very little good news to keep that
hope alive.
But Daniel held on to it.
He finally admitted what I knew from the get-go, every time
we went through the gate there was a spark of hope Sha're would
be there. Dozens of worlds, dozens of missions, and still he
held on to that spark. Sometimes that spark was the one thing
that pulled us all through. We made it because he expected
us to. He believed it, so we did.
A little hope goes a long way.
Daniel went from a fairly naïve academic living a fairy
tale to a competent and valued member of SG1 in damn shorter
time than I would ever have believed possible four years ago.
He's gone through a dozen different kinds of hell to live up
to what he thought we expected of him, pushing himself beyond
limits even I had trouble with to keep faith with the promise
we'd made.
He never mentioned it again…never required confirmation,
never threw it in my face that no real progress was being made.
In three years he only pushed once for special consideration…during
the Nox mission. I'd have done it if he had asked again…but
he never did.
He never really even talked about her much…
That's one I *do* understand. After five years it's still
hurts to hear Charlie's name.
The hell of it was, Sha're wasn't dead. Instead of being able
to start letting go…Daniel carried around a raw wound.
Every mention of her name, every unconfirmed report just picked
at the edges of the pain. After he'd seen her on Abydos…and
delivered her child…the wound was torn open all over
again. Deeper really for seeing her as Apophis' wife…
The few short hours they managed to spend together on Abydos
served to renew Daniel's hope, confirmed Sha're really was
Sha're underneath it all.
But the hope turned kind of bittersweet after that…
Daniel got quiet, withdrew for a while. I just stayed close,
let him know I was around and he finally pulled out of it for
the most part…hope intact. A little bruised maybe, but
still hanging in there.
Then we found Apophis.
It's the only time…while in his right mind anyway…I
ever saw Daniel murderously angry. It wasn't hot, raw anger
either. This was something cold, something utterly frightening
to see in my normally quite gentle friend. Not to say Danny's
a pushover…far from it…just usually given more
to stubborn defiance than emotional displays. It was the closest
he ever came to losing the hope. But he pulled out of it again…got
quieter still about…things, but we all knew how he was
feeling.
The year after Apophis 'died' was tough on him…tough
on all of us. The thing with Hathor, Machello's little 'gift…God
that one scared me…
I was honestly scared for Daniel then, afraid the pressure
had finally cracked one of the finest minds I've ever come
across. He had reason enough to let go and break down…both
from the device and from the hell he was put through because
of them…but he held on.
He kept a firm hold on that hope, despite all the garbage,
despite everything pointing to the likelihood he'd never find
Sha're again…
He held on…
And then came the day he found that hope again….
I thought he'd give up then. I think it was closer than any
of us care to dwell on. If it hadn't been for those dream-whatevers
Sha're implanted even as Amaunet tried to kill him…I
think he would have. It took awhile, but he held on…again.
Again.
Damn luck of the draw seems to make a habit of picking on
Daniel…
He fixed his hope on the kid for a while…a pale substitute
but it got him through the dark times after Sha're's death.
We backed him on it, though I admit at times I was less than
supportive. I gave it my best shot…and he seemed grateful
for it…seemed 'better' for knowing we were backing him
in any percentage. I'm glad I managed to keep my mouth shut
for the most part about my personal doubts, it wasn't easy
at first…but I did it. Maybe I'm learning a thing or
two myself along this road…
Maybe not…
I put a pretty big dent in that hope myself when all that
crap went down with Maybourne and his off-world follies. I
hated that, hated seeing the light die in Daniel's eyes again
knowing I was deliberately causing it. I wouldn't have blamed
him for hating me for it…
Little imp had me going for a while there…
When did he get so sneaky?
Getting Skaara back helped…a little. A bittersweet victory…we
did for him what we couldn't do for Sha're. But a definite
good thing in the scheme of cosmic justice.
Then we found the kid…and lost him again. Strangely
enough Daniel seemed okay with that one. His time with the
Master Caine wannabe and the Big White Mama seems to have helped
him reach a sort of peace in himself. I don't even pretend
to understand it, but I can see it in the more frequent smiles,
the way he's opening himself up again.
Got to love him for that…
Whatever might have happened if we'd got Sha're back…whether
he stayed with us or went back to Abydos…I wish he'd
had his chance. Of all the people I know, Daniel's one who
deserves to be happy. But it's never going to happen as long
as the Goa'uld are out there. It sounds kind of egotistical
to say it, but I think Daniel hangs on now for us…For
Earth, for the people still out there under the Goa'uld collective
thumb, for the SGC…for the team…
Daniel won't give up hope…
And neither will we…
*fin*
