Title: In the Palm of My Hand
Date: August 26, 2001
Status: Complete
Author: Jmas
Category: angst, h/c
Rating: PG
Email: jmasg1@bellsouth.net
Archive: Stargate Fan, Heliopolis, Belle, Place of Our Legacy
Spoilers: Between Two Fires, smallish one or two-word ones for Divide and Conquer and Ascension
Summary: A tale of comfort and friendship. Poor Sam has had a rough few months, I felt like she deserved it.
Author's note: My first real attempt at a purely Sam-focused fic, her voice this season has been refreshingly strong. Hope it suits….
Disclaimer: The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa’uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.
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In the Palm of My Hand

By Jmas

"There was that law of life, so cruel and so just, that one must grow or else pay more for remaining the same." - Norman Mailer

This last little piece of Narim….

No one has asked for it back, no one wants to study the technology behind it - yet. Just a shimmering blue image that still manages to convey Narim’s sincerity and kindness - even the quiet urgency of his voice is warm and familiar.

I can’t help feeling I caused what happened to him and his people. I knew - I always knew - how he felt about me. I don’t want to think my words alone influenced his actions, but…

I guess we’ll never know.

The Tok’ra have promised to send a ship to discover the fate of Tollana, but it will be months before we know. I’m not so sure I want to know.

Most of me knows we did the right thing. Most of me is certain Narim acted according to his conscience and not just to please me. Most of me knows the good of the many in the galactic equation was served by the destruction of those new weapons. But knowing doesn’t help much.

Daniel says this will get easier with time, and if anyone knows it’s him. He also says what I’m feeling is normal…or at least as normal as anything gets in the high-stakes life we lead. Like I said, knowing doesn’t help much. Daniel said that too. Actually Daniel said a lot of things tonight after he showed up on my doorstep bearing chocolate, Chinese, and a bottle of deceptively sweet and mild Southern Comfort. Who knew Daniel could be as innocuously devious in friendship as he is against the goa’uld? But I’ll forgive him - it’s not a grief management process I want to get used to, but it helped. Just having someone to share this awful sense of responsibility with helps, someone who understands in ways a lot of people never could.

We talked about a lot of things tonight: this new, nameless goa’uld; the philosophy of arrogant isolationism that left the Tollan woefully unprepared for a threat their technology couldn’t handle; my own ambivalent feelings for a man I barely knew but connected with immediately. Somewhere into the second half of the bottle of liquor, we got sickeningly maudlin about the shitty state of our love lives - I definitely remember both of us swearing to remain celibate until we retire - but hopefully he’ll forget that one in the morning. Despite losing Martouf and Orlin and now probably Narim on my part I’m not ready to give up and I don’t think he is either. It’s not who we are. Which, I’m pretty sure, is a good thing.

With a sigh, I turn off the hologram of Narim. It’s late and I really should get some sleep tonight. Daniel’s already snoring on my couch; he just sort of slid over after his rather sweet pronouncement that he’d join me in celibacy for the good of the universe. The colonel’s right on one thing - Daniel’s definitely a cheap date. A cute cheap date, a giggly drunk, and a damn fine friend. With a stifled giggle, I concentrate on getting to my feet and retrieving a quilt from the closet. I weave my way back to the couch and tuck it in around him, slipping his glasses off and putting them on the end table for safety.

Daniel burrows into the warmth automatically, stirring enough to prop open one eye and ask, “You okay?”

I grin back at him and nod, tapping one finger on his nose. “Fine, go back to sleep…”

He smiles a bit and the eye closes.

I take the hologram device with me, tucking it into my jewelry box alongside Orlin’s emerald before making my way to bed. I know there’s probably some macabre significance in keeping these two particular mementos…I’ll have to ask Daniel.

Tomorrow.

*fin*