Title: Spaces of the Dark
Date: July 31, 2000
Status: Complete
Author: Jmas
Category: h/c, a little, and smarm…lots and lots of smarm.
Rating: PG-13, language
Email: jmasg1@bellsouth.net
Archive: Stargate Fan, Heliopolis, Belle, Place of Our Legacy
Disclaimer: Characters are property of MGM, etc.
Spoilers: Crystal Skull
Summary: “Through the spaces of the dark, midnight shakes the memory.” – TS Eliot, Rhapsody
Author's note: My excuse for a little gratuitous Jack contemplation…and, of course, smarm…
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Spaces of the Dark

By

Jmas
~~~~~

Damn it…

Thought we’d seen the last of this…

Daniel hasn’t had nightmares on a mission since…hell, since Sha’re I guess…

It’s been a pretty spooky time all around what with Nintendos, disappearing Daniel’s and a debatably crazy grandfather who let Daniel be raised by strangers instead of taking responsibility. I can’t say feel very sorry for Nick. A man should be responsible for his family.

Daniel told me how he followed us all around the SGC like some lost soul with no way to communicate. That must have been pure hell for him…communication is very high on Daniel’s list of essential things in life. Disconcerting enough to think he was standing beside me and I never even knew it, I don’t even want to think what it was like from his side.

Glad I was the one on watch. He came stumbling out of the tent like the devil himself was after him and disappeared into the trees without so much as a look. I may not be the fastest guy on the uptake but even I know it’s not nature that’s calling him out there…away from the fire, away from eyes that might see more than he wants to let me see.

But hey, I know him better than he thinks. I know he needs a few to get himself together, get the shakes and the memory of whatever to settle down to a point where it isn’t shining out of his eyes like the ghost he so recently resembled.

I hear some twigs breaking just past the tree line…and a ‘sound’…

Oh, shit.

Okay, O’Neill…put on your cool…

I dive into the trees in the direction of the noise. I can’t see a damn thing in the foggy moonlight and I’m about to turn on my flashlight when I hear the noise again…

There…

I come into a small clearing in time to see Daniel hitting a tree with his fist…

What the - -

Before I can reach him he’s hit it a half-dozen times…hard. I do switch on the light now and see…

Hell…

Daniel’s completely focused on the action…totally unaware his hands are bleeding all over a perfectly harmless tree.

That’s it. Cool’s gone.

I grab him around the chest pinning his arms done and start dragging him away from the tree. Whatever else is going on, I have to stop him from hurting himself any more, then we can deal with…it. Guess this is what they call having a tiger by the tail….

Daniel may not look it at first glance, but he’s a pretty solid guy and strong. An elbow to the gut and a head butt to the nose almost make me lose my grip. I hang on to him…barely…as we both hit the ground.

Shit…I think my nose is bleeding.

He’s still fighting but running out of steam and gasping for breath. Wherever he’s been, I think he’s back now….or mostly back…

I start talking to him. Nonsense stuff. Just letting him know it’s me holding onto him…

Little by little he settles and stills, pulling in air like he’s been underwater for too long. Maybe he has…

“Jack?” His voice is so…lost.

“Yeah, big guy…none other.”

“Um…what just happened…?”

I almost laugh at that one, but decide against it as his body starts shaking in my arms. Reaction? Shock? I tighten my grip, shifting to a less restrictive hold. He stiffens up for a minute like he’s going to take off, but I just keep holding on. With a sudden sigh, he stops and just sinks into it, grabbing onto me like he’s afraid I’m going to disappear.

“I’m here…” Not exactly the wittiest comeback I’ve ever used, but it feels right. Must be because he relaxes more and the shaking subsides to small tremors.

“I…couldn’t…” His voice is quiet, still a little lost.

“What?” My own voice matches his tone, keeping with the mood of the moment.

Daniel shakes his head. “I couldn’t…feel…”

“Feel what?”

“Anything…” he admits, so low and reluctantly I almost can’t hear it.

Damn.

So I was half-right. The dream was about his days as a ghost, but the hell wasn’t because he couldn’t talk to anyone, it was because he couldn’t feel anything.

Damn.

I hadn’t really thought of it, but it makes sense. The most basic of human needs if I remember my psych classes correctly…and those Black Ops training sessions on torture methods and what to expect if you ever found yourself on the receiving end. People aren’t meant to not touch. Daniel got shorted on that end from an early age, but with Sha’re he relearned it…with us too.

I let my arms slide him around, drawing him against my chest and rubbing his back. He doesn’t say a word…doesn’t need to and I feel the tenseness seep out of him by slow degrees…

The light’s still on somewhere on the ground to my right and I can see the bloody mess he’s made of his hands. Guess we’ll have some explaining to do to the others. I’ll think of something…

Daniel is one of the strongest people I know…a survivor. It’s one of the things I like most about him, takes all the shit life dishes out and still remains one of the most essentially decent folks I’ve ever met. He tried to get through this on his own.

Bad plan.

He doesn’t need to get through anything alone. With all the garbage that’s gone on this year, he must’ve forgotten it. I kind’ve forgot it myself. Looks like we both need a refresher course.

Listening to his breathing slow to something closer to normal, I find myself smiling. We’re gonna be okay. We’re a team…a family…and while circumstance might have thumbed its big nose at us lately, I swear it isn’t going to beat us. We won’t let it.

We take care of each other. Beyond all the meaning of life and saving the world stuff, it’s who we are…it’s what we do.

And we do it pretty damn good.

*fin*